weaknudes:

waking up cold: alright I need more blankies

waking up hot: covers thrown everywhere. sweat behind the kneecaps. 3 dead. the pillow is the sun. critical condition.

(Source: thiccthot, via hotboyproblems)

retroactiveeurydices:

oxheadandhorsefacearedead:

retroactiveeurydices:

koalatea:

i dont need a boyfriend i need 12 million dollars and a donutĀ 

12 million dollars can be used to obtain many donuts.

explain how

money can be exchanged for goods and services

(via pullatriggerwithoutthinking)

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

i romantically stand outside your window and hold up my iPhone to blast our song. a 30 second ad plays first

(via pullatriggerwithoutthinking)

shorten:

"how are you feeling?"

image

(via pullatriggerwithoutthinking)

me as a pedestrian: [catwalks slowly across street as 90 cars pile up behind each other trying to turn; throws modelesque glance backwards over designer shades] [car inches into crosswalk] HOW DARE YOU COME WITHIN FIVE FEET OF ME!? I HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY??? SEE YOU IN COURT YOU CAPITALIST, PLANET-DESTROYING SCUM
me driving: say your prayers
icanrelateto:

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